Larry Johnson to be a Bengal

A long-overdue signing of Larry Johnson will take place today. The Cincinnati Bengals are rumored to pick up the running back, who the Chiefs dropped a week ago, as insurance to a banged up Cedric Benson. Problem is, Johnson hasn't had a good year since 2006. If football was like dating, dude would be considered "out of the game."

My guess is he woo'ed the Bengals with some sweet pick up lines like, "I'd like to be the starting running back on YOUR first place team." Or, "I'd like to run the ball between YOUR two tackles!" (I could come up with these all day) Then, Johnson slipped 'em a few drinks and told 'em how beautiful they are in their black and orange, they giggled, and WHAM, he's got a date. Pick me up at 4:15 on Sunday, Larry.

Hey I’m Jay -- how do you like me so far?

Obscure T.V. reference aside, the answer to that is pretty clear. This guy was supposed to be an elite quarterback. He was hailed as the most prolific and talented QB to be acquired by the Bears in THREE decades (I guess John Clayton can be wrong sometimes). All he has accomplished so far is making the Broncos look smart and the Bears look like… Da Bears. He’s still throwing a huge number of times (37.5) a game and completing a very nice 62.4 of those attempts. He’s on pace to break 4000 yards again if he can keep up his 261.4 yards a game. He is also on pace to demolish Rex Grossmans 20 INT season (2006) regarded as the worst Chicago QB INT stat in two decades (Bob Avellini threw 18 in only 14 games in 1979). He’s got 17 in 9 games putting him on pace to break 30.

The Bears lost a tough gritty team player who can take criticism (Orton) and two first round draft picks (and a 3rd) for someone who is a whiner, is not a leader and had one (arguably) good regular season. He’s never won a playoff game and arguably just throws the ball down the field and hopes his receivers can catch it. The Bears could have gotten Daunte Culpepper or Michael Vick to do that and spent less money and picks. And at least they could have had a fall back excuse if they gave the reins to Michael Vick. Look at how many miraculous catches Hester and Knox have come up with. Miraculous catches are amazing because usually the ball is thrown poorly. So the Bears have next to nothing to draft with, and their defense is terrible meaning Cutler has to throw more and more, which makes INT’s more probable. Let’s not even get into the difference in money Cutler is being paid versus Orton.

In the end just blame the Bears defense, that’s what Denver blamed for not making the playoffs. Remember Jay Cutler *is* an elite QB. We promise…

Wombat

3 Ways to Become a Famous Women's Soccer Player

There's 3 ways a women's soccer player can become famous:

1. Take your top off.

2. Be ridiculously good



3. Karate-chop a bitch in the throat

Give Michigan Another Year

With a 5-5 record in the overrated Big 10, Tate Forcier, Rich Rodriguez, and the struggling Michigan Wolverines have lost 5 straight conference games and are in danger of missing out on Bowl Season. They travel to Wisconsin to take on the Badgers this weekend and head to Ohio State for the last game of the season.

Lloyd Carr ran the Michigan program into the ground a few years ago and it's up to Rodriguez to fix it. Using mostly players recruited by Carr and switching from Carr's traditional run/play action system to his own spread system, Rodriguez was only able to win 3 games in 2008. It is only his second year as the Wolverines' coach, however, and it'll take a year or two more for the players that he recruited to learn the system and succeed.

My father's rule of thumb; when a team enters the rebuilding phase (if done correctly), it takes until Year 3 before you see a finished product. So, if Michigan is patient with Richy, this football team will be scoring 60+ points-per-game like the Mountaineers of years past.

Brady Quinn Starting for Cleveland

A quarterback rating of 98.3 isn't so bad, right? Well, if you add the ratings of Derek Anderson and Brady Quinn together, that's what you get. With Anderson playing less-than-satisfactory over the past 6 weeks, Brady Quinn has won the quarterback competition this week. But, to call Anderson/Quinn a quarterback "competition" would be like calling women's basketball "interesting." What I'm trying to say is; Cleveland's quarterback situation is a joke. (and, minus Lisa Leslie and Candace Parker, so is the WNBA)

Browns' QB's have combined for a total of 3 TD passes and 12 interceptions and have been sacked 19 times....

I'm just going to quit talking about the Cleveland Browns because no one cares. The only reason I began writing this was to have an excuse to post a picture of Brady Quinn's girlfriend.

LJ Going Once, Going Twice, SOLD to the Worst Team Available

Larry Johnson was cut by the Kansas City Chiefs this week after Johnson criticized coaches and sucked at football. The last few weeks in Kansas City were like any normal breakup for Larry. He was sleeping on the couch while neither party was getting any.... rushing yards. The Chiefs dropped to 1-7 with a loss to the Jaguars and back-up RB Jamaal Charles gained an impressive 36 yards.

With Johnson being an eligible bachelor come 4:00 today, speculation arises to which teams will be interested. Until 4:00, however, the team with the worst record that claims Johnson will get him, assuming anyone wants him. So, who wants him? Well, Larry is in the last year of his contract, earning a measly $60,000 bonus every game on top of his $4 million base salary.

So, if I'm thinking of a team with a bad record, willing to dump money on an over-the-hill veteran with no long-term value to the organization, one team comes to mind; the Washington Redskins. Hell, they've already got one overrated veteran running back in Clinton Portis. Why not two?

The thing to consider regarding Johnson is the fact that he's in the last year of his contract with a possible uncapped year after this one. The rule of thumb is that players step it up a notch when they're signing a new contract next season. So, a team with a decent offensive line, and that eliminates the Redskins, might want to consider claiming him and getting contract-year numbers out of him before letting him hit the open market and allowing another team to over-pay for 1 and 2 yard gains. (The Redskins)

27 Championships Bought - Because They Can

The American League East has historically been known as a powerhouse division, lead by the New York Yankees and Boston Red Sox (the Orioles had a short run, too). With George Steinbrenner buying another Championship, is it not time for some other organizations to step up to the plate?

Many organizations believe in home-growing their players, paying them minimal salaries, putting 10,000 butts in the seats of their 45,000 seat stadium, turning a profit, and losing 80-100 games per year.

The sad thing about these teams growing their players; they'll be Yankees. Well, at least the best ones will. When those players get good, they refuse to pay them the desired salary and the Yankees swoop in and say, "we will!" Carl Crawford of Tampa Bay? He'll be a Yankee in 2011. The cream of the crop with expiring contracts, every off-season, will be handpicked and payed nicely by the Yankees until teams step up and "pay for their Championships."

Is it the Yankees fault? No. There's no rule in place to prevent the Yankees from doing so. As a matter of fact, the "tax" that teams pay for going over the salary cap gets split up between the (bad) organizations that don't.

Fans need to quit their whining. The only thing keeping other teams from competing with the 4-or-so teams that "over-pay" for players is the owners' unwillingness to do whatever it takes to hold onto its star players. Texas let A-Rod AND Mark Teixeira get away. Boston gave away Johnny Damon. Cleveland - C.C. Sabathia. Toronto - A.J. Burnett. Oakland/Chicago - Nick Swisher.

So, this goes out to the 20+ teams not competing. Quit letting your players get away, unless an empty stadium and a small profit is good enough for you and your fans.

New York Yankees - "the best team money can buy."

Championship Number 27

Brett Favre - Love or Lust?

If Brett Favre needed any more motivation to beat the Packers Sunday night, 70,000 fans gave it to him. As Favre took the field that fateful evening, those that once praised him as the savior of Green Bay, named their children after him, prayed for him on Sunday mornings, and wore his jersey in adoration joined in unicen to "boo" the player that brought the Packers out of the stone age.

17 years ago, no one gave a crap about the Packers. They were coming off two straight losing seasons (6-10 and 4-12). (Vince Lombardi winning Superbowls 2000 years ago doesn't count. Football fans want wins in THEIR lifetime) Then, a drunken wreck of a person (nevertheless an NFL quarterback) is traded for a pack of matches and a tooth pick, so the Falcons can get him off their payroll. Owner Ron Wolf even had to tell the trainer to pass Favre on his physical regardless of the results.

What'd that drunk do? He won you 9 football games that year and gave you THIRTEEN straight winning seasons after that. Favre had one losing season with the Packers in 2005 and 2 years later brought them back to an NFC Championship game. Yeah, he threw a most crucial interception, but he got you there.

The next year, Ted Thompson tells Favre that he can back up Aaron Rodgers. The quarterback that gave them 15 winning seasons and a Superbowl can back up the new guy. And Packers fans are going to blame Favre for wanting out?

I think Packers fans booed because they felt they had to boo or they wouldn't be loyal to Green Bay. Well, Brett Favre IS Green Bay. Brett Favre eating breakfast is more interesting than Aaron Rodgers flying to the moon and back on a silver spoon with WiFi and meeting God along the way, only to inform America that the Man Above does nothing but smoke marijuana all day and watch reruns of Golden Girls on his 77,000 inch LCD screen (also with WiFi).

Brett Favre will unretire every year 2 weeks before the regular season and beat Green Bay twice a year until every soul in Green Bay gets down on their knees and begs him to retire a Packer.

Must-Watch Baseball?

With the best football game of the week over and tonight's game going to be over at half-time, there's room for watching baseball tonight. Cliff Lee was spectacular in Game 1 for the Phillies and takes the mound against A.J. Burnett tonight in a 3-1 series. The only thing that could be more impressive than his last performance is to send him out there with no defenders; just Lee and the catcher. (Or maybe have him pitch at a bear)

This game is a toss-up. I see the Yankees winning, but not without a hell of a fight from Lee. New York won't string a bunch of hits together, so watch for a couple long balls. (and hopefully a bench-clearing brawl?) A.J. Burnett is solid and the Yankees have better bats. I'm thinking Yankees 4 - Phillies 2.